The Superpower of Humility: How Admitting What You Don’t Know Can Get You Where You Want To Go
In the old movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail, we see a common fear lived out. A knight is asked a riddle. Unsure how to answer it, he says, “I don’t know,” and is launched into a ravine, never to be seen again.
It’s silly, but it’s relatable. Particularly for leaders, many of us are reluctant to admit when we don’t know what to do. It can feel vulnerable; perhaps even weak. So, in those moments, we’re often tempted to “fake it till we make it” and hope it works out.
But what if we went in a different direction? What if, when we don’t know what to do, we simply said so? Would we, too, be launched into the ravine? Would our stakeholders head for the hills? Would everything collapse?
Recently, I decided to find out.
In April 2023, I became aware of a public health communications need in Nigeria. It was a need that my organization — Good Loud Media — was, from a technical standpoint, uniquely equipped to address. And I’m delighted to share that, today, that project has succeeded, with a hundred thousand people reached. But there was one, big complicating factor: I had no expertise regarding Nigeria.
So, I decided to start by contacting people who might have relevant experience and simply explaining, “Here’s what I want to do. But I don’t know how to do it in this context. Can you guide me?”
Four key things happened on that journey — things that are likely to be beneficial for you as well.
1. Get Specific About Knowledge Gaps
My initial conversations took place with my friend and colleague, Steve Parker, a retired US Army Officer who has decades of experience living and working throughout Africa. Parker gave me a great gift: he insisted that I explore more precisely the things that I didn’t know. In other words, I was beginning from a general posture of “I’m not sure how to do this,” but Parker helped me see that more precision was required.
Now, I needed to get specific about my knowledge gaps. Parker insisted that I define the problem before designing a solution. To get there, I needed to walk through “the five W’s” —who, what, when, where, and why — before addressing the “how.” This brought huge clarity. The more specific I got about the things I didn’t know, the closer I was to getting to actually knowing something.
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The takeaway for you: When you “don’t know,” are you clear on your specific knowledge gaps? If not, work through The Five W’s.
2. Specify the Kind of Expert
As I started to better understand the specific knowledge gaps I had, I started to understand the type of subject matter experts I needed. I was able to say, “I don’t know how to do this, but a person with experience in XYZ probably does. Can you help me find someone like that?” This was critical because it meant that I could turn to the power of referrals.
Once you know what sort of thing you are looking for, it is way easier to find it. If you ask enough people to refer you to a Nigerian marketing expert, you will eventually get an answer to that very specific need. (Many thanks to BJ Pittman and Jordan Slick from Kupanda Capital for their invaluable guidance in connecting with the right resources to make this project possible.)
The takeaway for you: Do you know the kind of expert(s) you need? Who in your network might know those people?
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3. Ask Difficult, Vulnerable Questions
Once I was connecting with the relevant experts, it was time to embrace vulnerability. Here, asking two key questions opened up enormous insights.
First, “What do people usually get wrong about the way your field works in your specific situation?” And second, “What am I not seeing?” Both questions are vulnerable, and both are a direct expression of the awareness, “You are an expert at this; I am not.” But both can generate valuable insights.
My friend and colleague, Olusola Samuel Ogunleye (a clinical psychologist practicing at one of the top psychiatric hospitals in Nigeria), walked me through a hundred details of what would work, what wouldn’t work, and — most importantly — why. Put simply: He knew, and I asked, so he explained.
The takeaway for you: Are you ready to ask the tough, vulnerable questions? If not, why not?
4. Separate Preferences From the Effective Approach
Good Loud Media uses music for public health communications. And so, we commissioned a dozen pieces of music from Nigerian creatives. Eventually, we had to choose one for the outreach.
I had my preferences. But this experiment in humility required, yet again, that I admit that I didn’t know. I couldn’t say how a mid-twenties Nigerian living in Lagos would respond to one song versus another. So I relied on my experts, and they made a choice that surprised me. They were right, as proven by audience feedback soon after launch. (One listener wrote, “I’ve listened to this a dozen times just today.” Exactly what we all hoped for!)
The takeaway for you: Are you clear on the dividing line between your preferences and your expertise?
Final Thoughts
Now, I’m still no expert on Nigeria. But I know much more than I did about how to handle my not-knowing. And, critically, the project succeeded. Further, the colleagues I’ve met are already partnering with me on a next-stage initiative.
To me, those are awfully good dividends from a year and a half of admitting what I don’t know. It turns out that humility can yield impressive results. (And I was never in any ravine-related peril!)
As you consider the big-picture possibilities in your life and career, what successes might wait for you on the other side of admitting what you don’t know? What if you decided to find out?